Tag Archives: pennsylvania

hang in there, babe.

I am reviving an old aspiration with this post. I had no idea that downloading and sifting through WordPress would cause a resurrection of a 15-year old version of myself. When I first downloaded this app, I was pretty sure this was the first time I had ever signed on to something like this, however, when I entered my email address I was greeted with the “this email is unavailable” message. So, I’m like, WHOOOOOO is using this email address? (Spoiler alert: it was just past me confusing present me). At 20, literally no one wants to have a run in with their 15-year old self. I had uploaded an awful profile picture of me wearing a Harry Potter t-shirt and making sure that you focused on the shirt more than my horrendous looking face and hair. To be fair, 15 was the last “ugly” year before I had my first glow-up (I had a second glow-up at 20, but I’ll talk about that in another post). So, really if I could say anything to this WordPress ghost, it would be to hang in there because you’ll start loving profile pics instead of dreading them. My usernames were basically the same stuff I have been using forever and still continue to use, but my profile bio?? I won’t recite it word for word, but if you think about what a Tumblr-addicted, Harry Potter loving girl would post in 2012, then that’s roughly what we were working with. I read it, cringed and laughed, then quickly deleted it and typed in something simple and hasty, anything to replace that ancient fossil from 2012, tucked away in this website for 2017 me to unearth. It is so funny to think about how much internet culture has changed in five years. In some weird way I miss how fandomy it used to be, but in other ways it definitely belongs in the archives. Getting back to the fact that this is my first post, I had originally joined this website as a 15-year old, stuck in a small town in Pennsylvania, who was so constantly frustrated with how stuck she really was. It is very liberating to log on, now 20, having lived in 2 other places, and planning on moving in November to Nashville. I now have the freedom to support myself financially to do these things that 15-year old me wanted so badly. I had never posted anything back then because I simply did not have anything to write about. I hated where I lived, I hated going to school every day and having the same boring routine. I was hopelessly lost in fandoms and slowly developing an eating disorder that would last another year. All of this will only be the tip of the iceburg for me because the next 5 years get incredibly interesting. I wish there was a way I could open this up in the past, for this whole thing to work in reverse, so that 15-year old could read and be reassured that life is not going to be so stationary. She DREADED being stuck where she was, but hey, it didn’t take long for things to change and pick up speed. She’d be so excited to see that this life is our own now and I am finishing what she so clumsily and half-assedly started. YOU’RE WELCOME!!! Life comes at you so fast, yet so slow all at the same time. It isn’t till you’re standing still that you realize how far you’ve come.