I considered writing something somewhat political today, but then I told that 5-second thought to fuck right off. I am so sick and tired of reading stuff that is partisan fueled and drenched in limited information and mediocre and vaugely understood facts. No, we don’t need anymore of that. I actually want to talk about college and what happens when you suck at it (in case you literally did not read the title). I graduated high school in June of 2015 with one goal in mind, to finish 6 years of school and become a Nurse Practitioner. Boyyyyy, did that not go as planned. First of all, I’m not entirely sure why they let 18-year olds try to map out the rest of their lives. It puts a figurative weight on your shoulders that seems more like a burden than the “freedom” they tend to label it as. I am now 20 and nothing that I planned two years ago still holds true. I was your typical high honor roll student who got accepted into an incredible and highly selective program. For me, college always seemed obligatory. There was no other option, but back then that was okay because I excelled at school. I never thought for one second that I would hate college or be terrible at it. Why should I? It wasn’t until I got there that I realized how awful it was. My first semester I worked my ass off and scraped together a 2.7 GPA. It was such a demeaning feeling. I had never done this bad at school and it was an utter fall from grace (or so it felt). I didn’t even have the “partied too hard” excuse to apportion the blame to, as I never attended a single party or made any friends that semester. Meanwhile, I saw my former classmates thrive at college and it made me want to scream “how are you doing this college thing so successfully??? TELL ME YOUR SECRETS”. I was about one caffiene-induced rage sesh away from selling my soul to the acadamia gods in return for even a morsel of passion for school.
I went home for winter break and started the transfer process to another school immediately. My parents were sceptical and claimed that I just had to give it some more time and I thought bullshit. I figured it was just the school and by January 15th, I was at my orientation day for my new university. Fast forward to the end of my second semester and I still had not made any friends or joined any clubs, BUT my GPA had increased to a 3.0 so I thought, Things must finally be going right.
I started my second year of school coming off of a massive break-up. As if I needed more of a reason to hate school, I got a beautiful depression mental mosaic to take back with me in my head. Not entirely conducive to the “loving college” mindset. I went home every single weekend for two semesters straight, I skipped class at least 2 times a week, and I turned in, maybe, every other assignement? It was the worst I had ever been at school EVER and it had me so pissed off at myself. My motivation was so astonishingly low and my imment failure so glaringly obvious. Did I have the drive to care? No, not really. Did I try to fix it? Absolutely not. It looked as if I went through the “Expectations” bin in my head and single-handedly tossed out every one of them. I finished off the 16-17 school year with a 2.6 average GPA and thought Nice, Morgan. Fucking brilliant you are. Well done.
Now, it is almost August and I have decided not to return to school. People have a lot of opinions about the college drop-out and, believe me, I do too, but when I say “college isn’t for everyone”, I mean it. It is perfectly okay to not like college. It is perfectly okay for you to decide that it is not helping you move forward in life. If it’s not making you happy, then it is not ultimately helping you succeed. Dropping out of college; however, does not mean that you settle. Go out and find something new. Do something different. Do something that scares you. I am moving to Nashville by November (hopefully) and I am scared as hell, but it is the first time in a long time that my future has excited me and that’s the goal. Your future should excite you. You shouldn’t be indifferent towards it. So here is my advice now in hindsight of my rough realization, If you love college, PLEASE stick with it because you will go far. If you hate college, give it a little time, possibly transfer, but don’t give up on it immediately. If you have, however, given it the best you had and still hate, then leave. No one is making you stay. You are too damn young to hate what you’re doing in life. Choose something that makes you happy and your motivation and your passion and your drive will all come flocking back and it is on the wings of those birds that you’ll fly.